School holidays – time to reflect on family relationships?
Another week has gone by and now we are in the first week of August and well into the summer school holidays. This can be both a pleasurable and challenging time for parents as keeping children occupied over the 6-8 week break can test even the most patient of us. Furthermore putting a strain on family relationships.
A while back I read a book called ‘A Home for Rose” by John Katz. It’s about his life on a remote farm and what’s interesting is how becomes aware of his own self growth as his dogs (border collies) teach him to be a better human being…
This got me thinking how true this is – having a dog myself (also a border collie) – and reminded me how we can learn so much from our relationships with others…
I hold the view that all relationships are living feedback to us…
They mirror who we are, warts and all. They also challenge and teach us how to become better human beings.
Take for instance children…
Many people think that as adults, our job is to teach children and their job is to learn. To a certain extent this is true. It is our job as adults to prepare our children for adulthood and to become responsible citizens. However, if we are open to it, we can learn so much about ourselves from our children.
Being a parent is probably one of the biggest if not the biggest challenges we face. They show us areas within ourselves that we need to improve, such as self-control, patience and forgiveness to name just a few. Most of us are with our children more during school holidays which is a perfect time to implement these qualities and improve our family relationships.
I can recall times when I was quick tempered, tired and irritable with my children, particularly during school holidays when my usual routine was tipped upside down. As a result I often did not treat them with respect, and acted unfairly towards to them. Afterwards, I would feel guilt and sorrow that I had lost my temper. My behaviour was not unusual as most commonly us humans, when feeling grouchy take it out on those we love, then regret it like mad afterwards.
The question to ask ourselves when we feel frustrated with their behaviour is why?
Why does it affect me this way? Maybe it’s because we feel powerless in that moment or maybe they have triggered a feeling of inadequacy or simply it’s because we just are feeling too tired. It could be that we don’t know of any other way of behaving. It can also mean that we feel hurt or rejected. Often it’s because we are repeating patterns set by our own parents when we were children.
Once you realise what it is, you then have the choice to either deal with whatever quality you need to work on, or carry on as before. If you do decide to take up the challenge to improve yourself and become more conscious in your relationships instead of unconsciously reacting to situations, you will also be ‘teaching’ your children a new model of how to deal with things thereby breaking ‘old cycles’ of behaviour which may have been going on for several generations. What a legacy to leave behind.
The other great ‘gift’ you can teach your children is the ability to ask for forgiveness.
This means more than just saying sorry. It means looking them in the eye and explaining why you felt the way you did. Be honest and take full responsibility for your behaviour. In asking your children to forgive your grouchiness, you are preparing them to be honest responsible adults. Consequently they are likely to have less emotional baggage because they have not been blamed as children for your weaknesses.
None of us are perfect.
But if we listen and act to feedback from all our relationships with others, we can grow into being better human beings. And as a result we create a better future for our world.
Until the next time – Happy school holidays!
Success and happiness,
PS Need help with success in relationships? Find out about my hypnosis download ‘Relationship Success’ by clicking here
